I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
