i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
