I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
