can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I need water and some morals
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
