when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
