tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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