eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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