I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
