I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
