before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
