needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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