I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
