Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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