it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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