Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
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My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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