I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
