Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
