one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
