Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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