I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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