oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
