He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
