Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
