After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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