TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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