It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Boobs speak an international language.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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