I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
