You don't have asthma, your pregnant
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
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I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
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I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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