i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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