Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
you have to choose: penises or morals?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
