Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
