At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
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I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
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Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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