Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
