Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
