Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
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