a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
