This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We were destined to go to rehab together
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
