This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
