Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!