.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
