Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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