why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
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he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
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He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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