I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
