Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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