If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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