does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
