dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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