I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
