just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
