Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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