I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
