I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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