you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
