im drinking this country out of the recession.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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