Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
