Capitaan dildo arrescate!
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
