so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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