This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
