At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
God I need to hump something, right now.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
