Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
