Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
