So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
