It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
