my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
