we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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