And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
