Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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