For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
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Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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