my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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