I wish I could teleport
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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