You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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